A City Overthrown
"By the blessing of the upright the city is exalted; but it is overthrown by the mouth of the wicked. He that is void of wisdom despiseth his neighbour: but a man of understanding holdeth his peace. A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter." - Proverbs 11:11-13 (KJV)
If all it takes to overthrow a city is a wicked mouth then our cities have been overthrown longer than we realized.
You are not going to like this. There are times when I don't like this. But regardless here it is...
We talk too much.
As Christians we do not understand the power that our mouths have in our lives. We, without a doubt, allow ourselves to be destroyed by our words. Let me explain, because this is a threat that can hurt us in different ways and can destroy the church quicker than almost anything else.
Recently, I have been accused of being "shady" or a "bad friend" because I have not revealed the details of my personal life to people who have asked about it. This seems mind-blowing to me. I like to think I am transparent about my life, both the good and the bad parts of it. (I mean I am telling you about something that happened in my life right now!) However, it seems like people have been given this expectation that we are required to tell them anything and everything they want to know about our lives regardless of our discretion or our relationship to that person. That they somehow deserve to know.
I didn't give details to those people because I didn't trust them with that kind of information.
I know that they aren't asking about my life because they care but rather because they want something to talk about with someone else later. I know that gossiping is a sin and my being loose with my lips about my life gives people ammunition to go and commit that sin. If they would have been digging for details about my relationship with Christ I would have gladly obliged them but seeking to hear about who I am or am not dating isn't anything that glorifies God.
I know some people won't feel the same way. Some people will tell anyone just about anything. Regardless of relationship or how personal a detail is. I know this because I am friends with these people on Facebook. I know way too much about way too many people. They love being able to spill about the details of their lives. I, and call me old fashioned, believe in using wisdom when revealing our heart to others. There are some who will love you and will be blessed by you sharing with them. There are also others who will use it as a target and slander you using your heart's overflow. And there is also the issue of your own heart. When you post about yourself you're basically feeding your mind that you are what is most important. The opportunity you have to share a bible verse, a word of encouragement. or to ask if anyone needs prayer is stolen when you choose to complain or slander someone else. All I am saying is this, be careful. Do not talk to hear the sound of your own voice, that only glorifies you.
I think now that I have brought to mind the people who you know are guilty of this that we can agree now that we truly do talk too much. But it's not just "those people" who need to read this. It's you. It's me. It is all of us. This behavior can lead to the kind of betrayal and hurt that can drive us far from God. When the people we consider the closest to us hurt us the deepest we project that onto all parts of our lives. We resist trusting people, we disregard Godly advice, and we push away from the table when it comes to being a part of the body of Christ.
Do not get the message of this post twisted. God wants us to talk to people. God wants us to talk to people a lot and to talk to a lot of people. But those conversations and discussions that God is calling us into are not contests of logic or expressions of vanity. God asks us to speak into other peoples lives using His Word rather than our own. (See Colossians 3:17.)
"And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him." - Colossians 3:17 (KJV)
"Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." - James 5:16 (KJV)
James is clearly writing about talking to people. James is clearly writing about being open and personal with people. James is also clearly writing about doing these things with people that will receive your words in love and pray for your faults. He is not writing to the church to tell them to tell everyone about everything going on in their life. James isn't saying, "Hurry run to Facebook as soon as something goes on! Confess to 2,000 strangers the stress and heartache of your life! Do it so they will give you attention and relieve your guilt with their attention!"
James is talking about being real with people in the church who are grounded and solid in Christ so that they can encourage and pray for you. Confessions aren't made to crowds, confessions are made personally. God wants us to have a tight knit group of brothers and sister in Christ that we rely on when we stumble to be real with and to be rebuked by. Not so they will tell you whatever you have done is "not that bad" or turn and tell everyone else what you just told them in confidence.
Here is the greatest solution I have personally found for putting this into practice in my own life. And look I don't need a fancy disclaimer to say this, I fail every day at taking my own advice but it's a start.
1. Don't talk about other people's mistakes.
2. Don't talk about your own successes.
3. Don't complain. Period.
4. Don't gossip. Period.
5. "If you can't say somethin' holy, don't say nothin' at all."
These things seem simple but if we would utilize them rather than saying whatever pops into our mind or even worse, "posting" whatever comes into our mind as immediately as it does, we would live more fulfilled lives as Christians. We say or type things in the heat of the moment and we realize later how poorly those things age. Or at least hopefully we realize that. Tweeting "Cayuts by 90 #BBN" always seems like a good idea before the game but never looks so good when you scroll through Twitter after losing by 35 to Alabama. Sometimes though we are inclined to somehow fall deeper into that misguided line of thought when we share it and receive peoples approval or agreement. Its like a mob mentality. God can convict our hearts of it but we are much less likely to listen when we believe everyone agrees with us and thinks we are right.
Recently I posted on Facebook that people thought my personality favored that of Ross Geller, a character on Friends. I didn't believe that I shared much in common with him and that was the whole intention of the post. That and a slight attempt at humor. But people get so wrapped up in an idea that they took something meant to be a joke and went way overboard with it. How easily we allow the things we say to control us. Those who believed I did resemble him went to weird lengths to found their claims. Why? Why did it matter? Why waste the time trying to prove THAT point? There are so many people who need convinced of so many more important things but thats where we waste our words. Would we go through all those lengths to prove to someone that Jesus loves them? That our hope is in Him? That Jesus is better than anything else in this world?
We all are guilty of this. We talk too much but we say too little. Again for those who wanted to read that sentence and ignore it.
We talk too much but we say too little.
Right now, as I type this I know the more I personally write about this the more I leave myself open to being misunderstood or someone twisting these words into something I don't intend. So as much as my heart is burdened for Christians to speak like Christ, to prove my point I must now not speak any of my own words at all. So I leave you with this.
Our mouths are the immediate problem, our hearts are the deeper one.
"Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life." - Proverbs 4:23 (NKJV)
"O generation of vipers, how can ya, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh." - Matthew 12:34 (KJV)
"The mouth of a righteous man is a well of life: but violence covereth the mouth of the wicked." - Proverbs 10:11 (KJV)
Behold, we put bits in the horses' mouths, that they may obey us; and we turn about their whole body. Behold also the ships, which though they be so great, and are driven of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small helm, whithersoever the governor listeth. Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell. For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind: But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be. Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter? Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? either a vine, figs? so can no fountain both yield salt water and fresh." - James 3:3-12 (KJV)
